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Testimonial of “Miss Valocious" 

Miss Valocious being in rehab in 2010 for 4 months, I though he was healed, free, released from drugs. Not knowing that it does not end there. I was not aware that’s when the actually program starts. I was not educated enough and not informed that an addict and parent/s should attend support groups. I did not know being a drug addict is like having a disease and the addict needs treatment for life.

I did not know what manipulation was, did not know which signs to look out for when he was relapsing. I did not know that he was not supposed to drink alcohol. I did not know…… I did not know….

February 2013 that’s when things started disappearing from home. Because I suffered from panic and anxiety attacks a year ago, I though I was loosing my mind. Things started getting missing from home and when I use to ask him, the answer was always “I don’t know” and being a mother you believed your child, even though I knew he was lying.

He stole my cellphone, I opened a case against him, he was arrested, nothing happened to the case, still paying for something I don’t have (no insurance)
Convinced me he has changed and being in a cell opened  his eyes. ( I did not know he was manipulating me) I allowed him back home. That’s when I gave him access to steal whatever had tik value. From clothing to curtains, to the links on my gold chain, shoes, electri blanket stolen in the middle of winter.  Even removing the globe from the microwave and cutting the wires inside, saying it broke. (I did not know, I did not know they used the globes)  Basically anything he could find which he knew I would not miss immediately.

I used to pack my bags at 11 at night wanting to leave, whenever I discover something was missing. Trying to run away from this demon I cried, I pleaded, “why why why are you doing this to me why why why” little did he care. Once again as I was not educated did not know that addicts really don’t care who or what you are, they will steal from anyone even his single mother, they just care about their next fix.

I started becoming paranoid. When you hear stories from the community about what kids do who is on drugs, you ask yourself “what will my child do to me” everything and anything scared me even during day light.

I became a prisoner in my own home. I had no one to talk to as people would say put him out, they were not walking in my shoes, I could not do it, he is my son where would he go to, that was always my thoughts. I would loose up to 5kg’s a week due to stress, I lived on tea and cigarettes, did not eat for weeks. I remember a friend telling me “do what that lady from Cape Town did she killed her own son” Easy for people to talk who does not even have children.

In March 2013 I drew the black permanent line where I HAD ENOUGH. He had to go, I don’t care where to HE MUST GO!!! He left staying in a zozo not far from home. I DID NOT CARE. I would see him once a week when he came to ask for food and to bath. By now he had nothing totally nothing left only the clothes on his back.

I often told him that he looked like a “PROFESSIONAL HOBBO”. He was so thin, black, he looked like someone who has aids.

It broke my heart into million pieces to send him away every time he came to bath and eat and always turned around and said “I love you Mommy”. Cover yourself under the blood of Jesus was always my reply to him.

He was completely in his own world he created for himself. I reached the stage in my life where I basically did not care PHYISICALLY but EMOTIONALLY I did. And it was eating me like cancer, loosing weight, had to wear two pants so that people does not notice. It affected my work thanks God I have a boss and colleagues who support me. They understood what I was going through.

Sunday 25 August 2013  I fed him, he took a bath and as it was time for him to leave he told me he has no where to stay and as hard and difficult as it was I told him to go. Told him that I did not care whether he sleeps underneath the stairs or in someone’s yard. It was heart breaking and painful. But I had to let GO and let GOD.

I knew I had to speak to people who understands and who went through the same thing. Via facebook I was introduced to a support group SHARING WITHOUT SHAME.

I attended the support group not knowing what to expect, though some people would judge me, but I was wrong. I was introduced to Dereleen James who I call “Miss D” wow what an amazing woman she is!!! I always envied her for standing up and writing a letter to the president. She felt our pain, she heard our cries ‘A MOTHER’S OUTCRY”

I have been with the support group for +- 5 months now and I look forward to Wednesday nights. I feel at home, I feel comfortable. I feel that I have a family who understands and support me because we understand each other’s pain.
We SHARE and we share WITHOUT SHAME.
SWS has educated me on ;
What signs to look out for before a relapse?
Changing in Behaviour 
Sustain from alcohol
Communication between addict and parent/siblings
Changes at home

Honestly I am still learning a lot and it really helps me and my son to have a better communication level.

I also realized that support groups are very helpful, it helps us deal with things physically and emotionally.

Miss D, Miss C, Miss F, Miss CS and Miss Z, Miss J and Mr G.
Thank you for allowing me to SHARE WITHOUT SHAME.

We at Sharing Without Shame are one big happy family, please do join like our page /group on facebook “SHARING WITHOUT SHAME SUPPORT GROUP

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